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how to choose a therapist

The only way to learn how to have a healthy relationships is through relationship. It doesn’t happen through reading about relationship. It happens through participating in relationship with another human being in this very life.  In its essence, individual therapy works because it helps you learn how to have a nourishing relationship with a real person.

What does work is having a therapist who can attune to you and help you fill in the gaps of relationship knowledge and experience.  Again, the only way to learn how to have healthy relationships is by having healthy relationships. Therapy is paying for the service of having a healthy relationship and the learning from it. Some people think it’s ridiculous to pay someone to pretend to care for an hour. However, there is no pretending that goes on in therapy. The bond and connection that a therapist creates with their client is real and authentic. Indeed, this authenticity is exactly why therapy is effective. If the caring wasn’t real, then the therapy would be useless. It would be a shame. A sad shame to be sure.

Therapy also works when we find a therapist that we connect well with.  This is crucial. Here are some qualities to look for when you first meet a therapist. There should be good chemistry. You should like them. You shouldn’t choose a therapist because of their degree, you should choose one because you like how you feel when you are with them.